We Just Met, But Can I Be Honest?

Yeah, I’m going to be that person. The one you just met who decides to just blurt her issues out right away. Well, I wouldn’t necessarily call this and issue, more of a “this is what’s going on in my world, can you relate?” connection. But, you be the judge.

I’ve always identified myself as an athlete and a fit person. Never really had the six pack abs because, food [which is a whole other post coming your way soon], but I’ve always been athletic. When we moved to Tennessee from Virginia my ONE paying job was teaching BODYPUMP classes at various Gold’s Gyms. Which meant I was teaching as much as possible and spending a lot of time at the gym working on my fitness. Cue a year later and I am not certified in five different classes and teach four days a week.

However, it wasn’t until I realized fatty foods inflamed my gallbladder that I really found my leanness. Was this a healthy leanness? No, no it was not. I couldn’t ingest healthy or unhealthy fats without serious pain radiating through my body. I solely consisted on carbs, lean proteins and a few veggies. Crazy how quickly pain can help curb that self control.

Here’s me the day before surgery, back on May 3rd 2017.

 

And this is me the day after surgery, May 4th 2017

Little bit of a difference huh? I was so sad about my poor lil belly. It was so bloated, angry and upset for a week after surgery. And then I was finally able to eat all the food, so I did. All the burgers, shakes, Menchies, cheese [oh I missed cheese], olive oil, avocados, Menchies and did I mention ice cream yet? I gave myself two weeks to enjoy life then Le Husband [as he will be known here] and I did a semi-Whole30 to get back on track.

Whole foods helped me feel better internally and got my cravings for real food back on track, but my body is still looking post surgery. I’m not sure what brought this on out here, honestly. I’m almost back in cardio pre surgery shape, I’ve found my groove teaching again and I’m feeeeeeeeeeeling really good. Frustrating when the outside doesn’t quite match the inside huh?

Check out a then and now: left is pre surgery and right is today

IMG_4914

The girl on the left was more comfortable with her body. The girl on the right is living a fuller life. Why can’t I get my brain to understand this change is okay? I think part of my issue is I’m going to be in a bathing suit for the first time since surgery this weekend and I’m more self conscious about my scares and figure than I originally expected. The girl on the left would have had no issues in a bathing suit because she was lean and knew she looked fit. The girl on the right is working on her comeback and no one can tell how hard she is working looking at her.

Does anyone get where I’m coming from? Anyone out there have issues matching their brain with their emotions? I am beyond thankful a surgery was a fix to my problem with only three lil scars. I’m grateful I was able to jump back into teaching so quickly. I understand where and why the changed happened to my body, it’s not a surprise. I just wish I could fall back into shape as quickly as I fell out, ya know?

Anyway, this post is partly a chance to show anyone reading that even though I’m passionate about fitness I still struggle and don’t have all the answers. It is partly to get these thoughts out of my head and onto a space where they can sit instead of taking hold of me and my emotions. I’ve learned letting it out is very cathartic and find I can move on quicker if I don’t hold things inside.

Can you relate to this post? Is there something marinating in your head you need to get out? How do you overcome the emotional body image issue when it strikes? Tell me in the comments.

Hope you have a great day!

3, 2, 1, get your move on today < 3

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2 thoughts on “We Just Met, But Can I Be Honest?

  1. love this new blog!

    we’re in the same boat, you and I. For 2 years I was the leanest and most cut I’ve ever been – I had abs! like the kind you can SEE and not just the obliques..but a 6pack….even had the V at the lower part of my abs. I had the best arm definition from punching the heavy bag/pads day in and day out. I love it all.

    Then my period disappeared all from over training and not enough body fat. What a way for your own body to give you the finger, am I right? You work so hard to get your body healthy and this is the way it thanks you #rude.

    So after months of thinking I was going through menopause, I got my blood work back and I wasn’t going through menopause…which then made me realize it was probably due to my exercise level/intensity. I was eating like a horse but burning so many calories that I let my body fat drop to a level my hormones/body didn’t like 😦

    Now, about 10lbs heavier and only training hard 4 days a week, my period is back and I’m regular again. I can totally feel and see the 10lbs and I don’t like it!! I’ve made peace with it and I’d much rather have this than broken bones/osteoporosis but damn, I miss my abs.

    So long story short, I feel ya! We have to sometimes listen to what our bodies need/is telling us instead of what we see (even though we want both!!).

    Like

    • Thanks so much for the blog love :)! It is hard when our bodies ‘go against us’, especially when we work so hard to get to our level. I agree with you though, I’m so much happier with this weight and being able to eat instead of being broken with abs.

      Like

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